the anxious social butterfly
Updated: Aug 19, 2019
’Tis a beautiful thing when you go to an event alone & leave feeling inspired with new connections you would have never made if you hadn’t dragged yourself out of your comfort zone. At least that was my experience at the Creative Mornings talk this past Friday with the topic "Surreal" for this month. Now, brief disclaimer, getting to these creative events isn't always a slice of pie when my introverted self would rather comfortably attend with a friend who I know will have a conversation with me rather than put myself through small anxiety attacks & going solo to a large event. Don't get me wrong I love talking and connecting with new people, but before the actual having of a conversation there's a list of loaded what if's in my head going 100mph.
No matter how many times I leave my house, time and time again, the process of calming my social anxiety is always the same. At the beginning there is an initial excitement of learning something new and being surrounded by other creatives. Until reality hits that I'm heading to this event solo. Then the insecurities of not knowing anyone begin to set in. Which at this point, personally, seems kind of ridiculous because the relationships I've made since going away for college have been because I drag myself out to events, such as this one, despite the anxiety.
"If the front door is locked and the back door is jammed, the window should be the next option." – Chris Soriano
Suddenly I'm talking to someone in line, trying to balance a sprinkled donut in one hand & craft coffee in the other. Once they're telling me about their creative escapades, independent business, travels, and how often they "go to these types of events" I can feel my social anxiety easing a bit. Their friends arrive and suddenly I'm talking to more people! This is the best part of this type of events, discovering and getting to know a community of independent creatives supporting each other. As more people approach up I realize a handful of familiar faces from some events I attended last year.
This interaction is what I consider the adult equivalent of running into that one person from that one class you had to take as a prerequisite and never see until it's at a campus event you randomly attend, and they're coincidently good friends of the person you have, just minute before, befriended. New faces walk up to us; it feels as though everyone knows everyone, and I'm the puppy eagerly waiting to be adopted. Except in the adult world, making friends and solid connections is not as fluid as when you're living in the same dorm building, taking similar classes, and have a student union to hang out in 24/7. No, now you have to see if you have space in your busy schedules to grab coffee, homework has turned into collaborative projects, and no one pulls a group all nighter because curfew is at 10 since we are all running our own side hustles. The adult life is. real. my friends. It's all kind of surreal. It's a whole lot more work. It's triggering for my anxiety & there's definitely no study guide or syllabus for post-grad life. This anxious life chose me so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens next!
